Eight more days to go...

Hello Baby,

Still have a few hours left of day eight to go but even though as I sit here typing and feeling you and seeing you, I don't think we'll be meeting you tonight so I am predicting that the countdown will continue. Could tomorrow, day 7, be the lucky day?

Uncle Jon asked me today if I was excited and/or nervous. My response was that I am both and a little scared. Obviously, I am excited. I've been thinking about you, wanting you, longing for you since before I was even pregnant with you, and now that we're thisclose, how could I not be SUPER excited?!

But I'm nervous too. A little bit about the actual birth but more so about once you are here. I'm nervous about being a good Mommy and taking care of you. It all seems like so much - the feedings, the changings - but my saving grace is that there are teen moms all over the world, not just on MTV, who manage to do a good job. I have no doubt that Daddy and I can do it too but thinking about it definitely creates a lot of anxiety. I just want everything to go smoothly but I also need to realise that some of these things take time to perfect.

And that's where the scariness comes in too. I'm scared about that what if. What if something does go wrong. What if you don't latch, will you starve. What if the house has more problems, will you get asthma. What if we don't hear you cry when we're asleep, will you choke. What if Stella doesn't like you, which one of you will we get rid of. What if we can't figure out this parent thing. What if, what if. Ah, this is simply fear of the unknown which I'm sure is common but I know I will overcome it.

I believe that our unconditional love for you will conquer all these emotions. We already love you so very much that I'm sure we can do it. It's just going to take patience and flexibility and team work. We will work hard at raising you to be you. Hopefully that transpires you to be a happy-go-lucky child and a smart, kind, honest, responsible blah blah blah, just a plain ole good big people person. But for now, I'll just be happy knowing that you are healthy, well fed, well cared for and loved, loved, loved.

XOXO
Mommy